Reasons to move a Scottish castle to Brazil
by Jadeite no Miko
Summary: Lockhart is back! And boy, did he bring a surprise for Professor Snape (slashy oneshot)


Title: Justifiable Reasons to Move a Scottish Castle to Brazil  
Author: Dancing Moon dancing_moon@hotmail.com  
Rating: G  
Warning: Humor, mpreg  
Disclaimer: It's all Rowlings. Except for the sick parts, those I am afraid I must claim responsibility for  
  
It was a usual day in the dungeons of Hogwarts. That is, three houseworths of students tip-toed into them with fear and disgust written on their faces, while the Slytherin children soaked up the unpleasant cold and plotted devious pranks.   
  
Then there was the dungeoun-dweller number one, Potions master Severus Snape. He stalked, he skulked, he... was actually hiding behind his desk at the moment.  
  
"Damn Albus! Why didn't he warn me?" Snape muttered, and rifled through his potions frantically.  
"Polyjuice, polyjuice, my cauldron for a drop of polyjuice..."   
  
"Sevvie honey!" a beautiful, perfect voice chimed out, the luscious echo revebrating through the dungeons, making even the thoughest Slytherin shudder in fear.   
  
Oh Merlin. Not only had the twit returned... his memory was back!  
  
With a jubilant cry of "Sevvie!" Gilderoy Lockhart, former golden-boy of the wizarding world, burst through the door. His eyes, bluer then the bluest Forget-me-not searched expectantly for the dark-haired wizard.  
  
Snape had given up on all deites shortly after he found that no amount of praying was going to allow him to boil up his own private incubus, but now he found himself once more asking for the mercy of the gods.   
'Don't let him find me', he prayed, though knowing his usual luck, he held no great hopes.   
  
And indeed, shining Lockhart soon found his hearts desire.  
"Sevvie!" the annoying fop squeked, "there you are? How could you let me go all the way to Albania without calling?"  
  
"Very easily," Snape muttered and rose from his hiding place. Determined never to lose his composure around the bane of his life (well, one of them - Potter and Voldemort being the other two) he put on his sternest frown and said,  
"We are over. Do you hear me, Lockhart? We. Are. Completely. OVER! In fact, there never was anything to come over, except in your muddled brain! One drunken romp is *not* a relationship, but since you are such an impossible twit who wouldn't take no for an answer- Are you listening to a word I'm saying?"  
  
The question was valid, since the amount of drool collecting (and threatening to overflow) in Lockhart's mouth indicated that while goldenboy most certainly had his full attention directed at Snape, it was doubtful wheter he actually registered the content of his words.  
  
"Sooo sexy..." the sparkling man mumbled, "keep talking. Missed you, my sexy Sevvie..."  
  
Snape tried to ignore the vein throbbing. "I've already told you, it's over! And I never want to see you again, you bumbling fool! Do you have any idea how I celebrated when I found out you had lost your memory?"   
  
"Hey! I lost my memory," Lockhart said, pouting cutely, as one of Snape's word triggered what accounted for brain in him. "And you never came looking for me! What kind of a lover would do something like that?"  
  
"This kind," Snape smirked.  
  
"Oh well, I'm fine now. Oh, and I have someone for you to meet, honey," Lockhart said, giggling inanely. If the Potions master hadn't know that the man had the intelligent of your common slug, he would have gotten very suspicious right about now.  
  
"Darlii~iing," the man Snape privately called 'the worlds sexiest moron' thrilled, and a... well, something, entered the Potions classroom.  
  
"What," he growled, "is that?"  
  
"Well, Sevvie, you wouldn't believe how they stared at St. Mungos," Lockhart began coyly, lifting up the creature that Snape now saw was dressed in very concealing black robes.  
"And poor little me, couldn't begin to fathom very it came from..."  
  
"Where *what* came from?"  
  
"Why, Sevvie, I'm so happy that you asked." Oh dear Merlin, the man was practically beaming!  
"Severus Snape, meet Silveranne Lockhart; your daughter!"  
  
*THUNK*  
  
"Daddy..?"   
  
"It's okay, honeypie, daddy is just sooo happy to see you!" Lockhart said and realeased his and Sevvie's beautiful dark haired, golden skinned daughter. The child beamed, and Gilderoy felt something warm inside; this was even better than adoring masses of fans... well, on par with it at least.  
His baby angel had inherited *all* of his good looks, and even something of his as-soon-as-he-woke-up-husband-to-be's voice! (not the nose though, thank Merlin!)  
  
"Ohh, potions!"  
  
"Urhm, Angel-mine, you really shouldn't..."  
  
------------  
  
Read in the Daily Profet:  
"EXTRA! HOGWARTS DESTROYED IN FREAK EXPLOSION!"  
  
"Severus Septimus Snape, renowed Potions Master of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, has after the disastrous explosion in the school dungeons, which ended up completely destroying several classrooms and the Slytherin Dorm, asked to resign. As several reliable sources tell us, he was last seen attempting to Apparate his family manor to Brazil. The Daily Profets speculates this has something to do with Professor Snape's recently revealed daughter and upcoming wedding to the infamous Gilderoy Lockhart..."   
  
~ The end ~ 


End file.
